Said I To Myself, Said I.

A poem by William Schwenck Gilbert

When I went to the Bar as a very young man,
(Said I to myself said I),
I'll work on a new and original plan
(Said I to myself said I),
I'll never assume that a rogue or a thief
Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief,
Because his attorney has sent me a brief
(Said I to myself said I!).

I'll never throw dust in a juryman's eyes
(Said I to myself said I),
Or hoodwink a judge who is not over-wise
(Said I to myself said I),
Or assume that the witnesses summoned in force
In Exchequer, Queen's Bench, Common Pleas, or Divorce,
Have perjured themselves as a matter of course
(Said I to myself said I).

Ere I go into court I will read my brief through
(Said I to myself said I),
And I'll never take work I'm unable to do
(Said I to myself said I).
My learned profession I'll never disgrace
By taking a fee with a grin on my face,
When I haven't been there to attend to the case
(Said I to myself said I!).

In other professions in which men engage
(Said I to myself said I),
The Army, the Navy, the Church, and the Stage
(Said I to myself said I),
Professional license, if carried too far,
Your chance of promotion will certainly mar
And I fancy the rule might apply to the Bar
(Said I to myself said I!).