William Tell

A poem by William F. Kirk

Dar ban a man named Villiam Tell
Who ban a qvite gude shot.
Ay bet yu, ven he tak nice aim,
He alvays hit the spot.
Ay s'pose he hunting every day
And killing lots of game;
Ef he ban missing such a chance,
Ay tenk it ban a shame.

Some fallers yump on him von day,
And taking him to yail,
And tal him he skol have to pay
Sax tousand dollars' bail.
"Yeew hiz!" say Tell. "Sax tousand bones!
Ay ant got saxty cents!"
And so dey mak him breaking stones
Behind big iron fence.

Den Olaf Gessler say to him:
"Bill, yu ban qvite gude shot,
So ay skol give yu yust von chance
To vinning nice yack pot.
Yure son ban purty brave young kid;
Ay tell yu, on the dead,
Yu skol go free ef you can shoot
Dis apple off his head."

"Yerusalem!" say Bill, "ef you
Skol give me drenk of bock,
Ay bet yu ay can shoot dis fruit
Off little Yimmie's block;
But, ef ay shoot tu low, val, den
Yust sidestep qvick, by heck,
Or yu skol finding little bunch
Of arrows in yure neck!"

So Olaf frame it op for Bill,
And Bill he tak gude aim,
And shoot at little Yimmie's block, -
Ay tal yu, he ban game.
And Bill skol knocking apple off,
And Yim vent back to school;
But Olaf put Bill back in yail,
And tal him, "April fool!"