Horatius At The Bridge

A poem by William F. Kirk

Horatius ban brave yentleman,
Who vatch big bridge at night:
It ban gude many years ago,
Ay ant got date yust right.
Dar ban some foxy geezers
Who march avay from home,
And tenk they having qvite gude chance
To raise some hal in Rome.

Lars Porsena ban starting it, -
Ay tenk Lars ban a Svede;
He raise 'bout tousand soldiers,
And put himself in lead.
Then he began tu marching,
And all his frends march, tu,
Till they skol come almost to Rome,
Var dey skol rest a few.

Then op spake Maester Horatius,
Captain of dis har gate:
"To every yackass on dis earth
Death coming sune or late.
So how can ay die better
Than vatching bridge, yu say?
Now who skol standing on my front
And vatching bridge vith me?"

Then Maester Laertus Larson,
A scrapper fine ban he,
Say, "Ay skol standing on yure back,
But not on front, by yee!"
And old Herminius Hermanson -
He ban gude fighter, tu,
Say, "Ay skol taking little smash
At dese har Svedes vith yu!"

So ven dis Maester Porsena
Ban come to big bridge gate,
He sees three husky lumberyacks,
And know he come tu late.
But Lars, he ant ban qvitter,
He send 'bout saxteen men
To taking bridge, - by yiminy,
Dey ant come back again!

While old Horatius and his frends
Ban vatching bridge so gude,
Some aldermen on oder shore
Ban sawing planty vood.
Ay tal yu, ven dese boodlers
Ban start to tear tengs down,
Dar ant no better vorkers
Novere in whole dam town.

So ven dis bridge start falling,
Horatius' frends yump back;
And he skol stand alone dar -
He ban brave lumberyack.
Then he yump into Tiber,
And say, "Ay skol svim home!"
Dis har ban how Horatius
Skol turn gude trick for Rome.

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